Sam! I needed to read this today. Last night I was in the headspace of being so frustrated that I can’t just eat the things I want without my body rejecting them. Wishing I wasn’t on a constant quest to figure out what’s causing the latest issue. It’s exhausting but it helps to know I’m not alone.
Gosh this really resonated with me. I’ve realised through therapy this year that my perfectionist tendencies sabotage my mental health time and time again, by having such unrealistic standards of “self care” that I then am left feeling like a failure. I am going to try and take away some of this pressure and accept the days where I don’t cook brocolli or read or move my body for x amount of minutes. This was a really great reminder that even the basics of self care are so much harder as someone with chronic and mental illnesses and that I need to cut myself some slack.
I resonate so much with all that you wrote. I have been wondering if my lower tolerance is due to pandemic shit or what, because I feel like my usual coping mechanisms barely help anymore. Taking care of ourselves is a full-time job and many of us, unfortunately due to capitalism, can't do all the things that would actually make us live a better, more comfortable life. That makes me really sad, tbh. Anyway, thanks for your words <3
I could have written every single word of this, swapping a few specifics for my own brand of issues, of course, but damn... I felt this. Thanks for sharing Sam!
Sam, my friend Mal McCrea recommended this post to me, as it is similar to what I just wrote about. Weirdly enough, I came across your profile on IG last night (cause sleepless nights are where it's at for me right now), and then Mal sent me your post this afternoon. Wanted to take a moment and say thank you for your vulnerability--and so glad to have found your writing.
Wow do I resonate with this SO much and have actually been thinking about these things a lot recently. This morning I was thinking about how I tend to always want to do everything to the max. Max productivity. Max nutritional benefit. Max enjoyment. But what if a real, felt sense of joy in life actually comes from doing a lot of things just okay? This is a silly example, but I always used to make my smoothies a little too functional. I wanted to pack as many nutrients as possible into this drink so that I could get max benefit from it. So I would load it up with healthy things to the point that I didn't really enjoy drinking it that much, and what happened over time is that I would stop making my smoothies because I didn't really want to drink them. But then, ironically, I wasn't getting ANY nutritional benefit. So recently I decided to make a smoothie that wasn't packed with so much protein but still had some good stuff in it. And you know what? My not max nutritional benefit smoothie is really delicious to me and I look forward to drinking it, and so now I'm getting a few more nutrients than I would be if I weren't drinking one at all. I'm thinking about how I can maybe apply this to things like productivity or fun activities as well. Like, can I just do SOME of a project, a little bit of house cleaning, etc? Can I just get out for a walk even if it's in my slightly uninspiring neighborhood rather than a beautiful hike? Can I just do something, anything, not the max of whatever, not the best...just okay? It seems like when I'm able to do this more, then I actually feel much more fulfilled. Rather than going hard till I run myself into the ground and then swing to the opposite end of the spectrum where I become a lump on the couch not doing or enjoying anything, can I be just okay and maybe actually feel better?
you captured exactly how i've been feeling for the past few years. it's so hard and exhausting. i see my partner and others get up when they wake up and start their day with such ease, but everything feels so heavy for me. i still push myself to establish routines and to perform these things, and it helps me feel better but it's also so easy to fall into the pattern of not taking care of myself. thank you for helping me feel seen.
Sam! I needed to read this today. Last night I was in the headspace of being so frustrated that I can’t just eat the things I want without my body rejecting them. Wishing I wasn’t on a constant quest to figure out what’s causing the latest issue. It’s exhausting but it helps to know I’m not alone.
Gosh this really resonated with me. I’ve realised through therapy this year that my perfectionist tendencies sabotage my mental health time and time again, by having such unrealistic standards of “self care” that I then am left feeling like a failure. I am going to try and take away some of this pressure and accept the days where I don’t cook brocolli or read or move my body for x amount of minutes. This was a really great reminder that even the basics of self care are so much harder as someone with chronic and mental illnesses and that I need to cut myself some slack.
I resonate so much with all that you wrote. I have been wondering if my lower tolerance is due to pandemic shit or what, because I feel like my usual coping mechanisms barely help anymore. Taking care of ourselves is a full-time job and many of us, unfortunately due to capitalism, can't do all the things that would actually make us live a better, more comfortable life. That makes me really sad, tbh. Anyway, thanks for your words <3
I could have written every single word of this, swapping a few specifics for my own brand of issues, of course, but damn... I felt this. Thanks for sharing Sam!
Sam, my friend Mal McCrea recommended this post to me, as it is similar to what I just wrote about. Weirdly enough, I came across your profile on IG last night (cause sleepless nights are where it's at for me right now), and then Mal sent me your post this afternoon. Wanted to take a moment and say thank you for your vulnerability--and so glad to have found your writing.
Wow do I resonate with this SO much and have actually been thinking about these things a lot recently. This morning I was thinking about how I tend to always want to do everything to the max. Max productivity. Max nutritional benefit. Max enjoyment. But what if a real, felt sense of joy in life actually comes from doing a lot of things just okay? This is a silly example, but I always used to make my smoothies a little too functional. I wanted to pack as many nutrients as possible into this drink so that I could get max benefit from it. So I would load it up with healthy things to the point that I didn't really enjoy drinking it that much, and what happened over time is that I would stop making my smoothies because I didn't really want to drink them. But then, ironically, I wasn't getting ANY nutritional benefit. So recently I decided to make a smoothie that wasn't packed with so much protein but still had some good stuff in it. And you know what? My not max nutritional benefit smoothie is really delicious to me and I look forward to drinking it, and so now I'm getting a few more nutrients than I would be if I weren't drinking one at all. I'm thinking about how I can maybe apply this to things like productivity or fun activities as well. Like, can I just do SOME of a project, a little bit of house cleaning, etc? Can I just get out for a walk even if it's in my slightly uninspiring neighborhood rather than a beautiful hike? Can I just do something, anything, not the max of whatever, not the best...just okay? It seems like when I'm able to do this more, then I actually feel much more fulfilled. Rather than going hard till I run myself into the ground and then swing to the opposite end of the spectrum where I become a lump on the couch not doing or enjoying anything, can I be just okay and maybe actually feel better?
Maybe this will be able to help you. A free technique for removing negative subconscious material: listening to certain sounds and certain music that can peel off (remove bit by bit) subconscious trauma's. https://soulliberation.eu/self-help-techniques/sound-vibrations-for-the-removal-of-subconscious-blockages/.
https://soulliberation.substack.com/
you captured exactly how i've been feeling for the past few years. it's so hard and exhausting. i see my partner and others get up when they wake up and start their day with such ease, but everything feels so heavy for me. i still push myself to establish routines and to perform these things, and it helps me feel better but it's also so easy to fall into the pattern of not taking care of myself. thank you for helping me feel seen.