I'm Not Going To Tell You Where It's From

Gatekeeping as the next step of deinfluencing

Hi, sweet beans. Thanks for reading Healing Field Notes, a newsletter I send out twice a month. This newsletter will always be a free offering. However, consider a paid subscription if you’d like to support my writing.

This is a special edition of the HFN newsletter, as this would usually be my off week. So this will be a shorter newsletter. However, this topic was heavy on my mind and feels like an adjacent conversation relating to last week’s newsletter. Enjoy!

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Is the next step to deinfluencing gatekeeping? As more content about deinfluencing is made, I’m curious about the tendency to expect people who post on the internet to be personal shoppers when many of us just try to exist on the internet or start conversations. Social media (TikTok and Instagram, specifically) has normalized that no matter the video's context, a viewer is likely to comment, “Where did you get that from?” Or my favorite… “link.” No question mark, nothing. Just: link.

Some may say, “But Sam, aren’t you an influencer? Aren’t you SUPPOSED to link things?” I’ve stepped away from influencing in a BIG way and changed how I take on partnerships since October 2022, which I talked about in last week’s newsletter. If I am getting paid to post something as a creator, then yes. I am obligated to post it. Yes, I will often link or tag it if it’s a small business or a business owned by a person of color. Otherwise, I am not obligated to link anything or share the exact brand, search terms I used to find it, or store where I got the item. Big businesses do not need more free advertising, and respectfully, you probably don’t need my cardigan or exact nail polish color. 

An influencer I admire named Marielle Elizabeth (@marielle.elizabeth), who makes slow fashion easier to access for plus-sized people, has spoken at length about this on her Instagram stories. She explains that if someone wants to know where an item is from, it requires labor on her part, which she deserves to be compensated for. Instead, she offers a curated list of items she wore online through her Patreon, where people must pay to access this content.

I’ve completely ignored a comment on TikTok when someone asks where someone is from to then, open my message requests on Instagram to see the same person asking me where that thing from my TikTok video is from. It feels like the equivalent of someone chasing you down the street to ask you where your shirt is from when you have headphones on.

Gatekeeping is the activity of controlling and usually limiting access to something, specifically when a person doesn’t have access or rights to a community or identity. However, in this context, I mean gatekeeping as an intentional step of withholding information to resist capitalism and overconsumption habits.

I think, in some ways, the idea of gatekeeping in this context pushes against trends. It requires people to think intentionally about whether or not they really need that piece or if it’s just what everyone has, so they don’t want FOMO. Which, by the way, is an understandable feeling. FOMO is rooted in the human experience of wanting to belong. But isn’t it the most capitalist, white supremacist expectation to access belonging depending on what we wear or own?

This deinfluencing trend makes sense as we all have to be more intentional about spending our money (are we in a recession? Who knows?). It almost feels insensitive to ask people to buy a $200 cardigan (even with a discount code) when egg prices have increased by 60%, even if it means we are supporting a sustainable fashion brand. In many ways, calling anything in fashion sustainable often feels fruitless when fashion relies on consumption. However, I understand that these brands put in intentional work to break the status quo of fast fashion, but I feel friction with it.

I’m also sitting with the understanding I am not responsible for other people’s purchasing habits. If I post something, it’s not my job to decide whether someone really needs or wants it. But I have to ask myself: Is it in line with my values to contribute to overconsumption, even by giving a consumer the opportunity to consume? Is this the question we must ask as influencers, or anyone who shares online? If there is no ethical consumption under capitalism, what actions can we take to make consumption more ethical? Mustn't those choices be small in order to rebuild and reimagine the world we want to exist in? I can’t help but wonder if, by giving viewers an opportunity to take a breath to assess want versus need, we help combat overconsumption in these small ways. These are the questions I grapple with.

Perhaps we can consider alternatives such as:

• Not asking where an item is from immediately when you see it. Instead, save or screenshot the post, put it in a wish list to sit on for a bit, and then go back to ask after you’ve considered it.

• Screenshot for inspiration and go on a hunt for your own unique, individual piece.

• Consider if it’s a piece you can make by learning a new skill.

• Shop your closet and maybe realize you have something extremely similar hidden in the back.

• Host a clothing or home decor swap with your friends to see if they bring something similar.

We create more sustainable¹ communities when we are creative and lead with intention and care. Not just by limiting waste on the planet, but by having more wealth and resources to redistribute to communities that are actually gatekept from accessing basic needs.

So no, I may not tell you where something is from. Or I may tag it in the caption. Or tag it in the photo and trust that you will take the time to check those places. Or if I didn’t tag it, it’s because it’s thrifted or unavailable for whatever reason. Or it may take me a little while to respond because I’m less likely to reply when my internet presence to what I’m wearing or decorating my house with. Or, if you are wanting to follow people who do link everything, there are influencers who have platforms and LTK accounts that link every single thing they show on their pages, such as Bonnie Barton or Emily Welch.

I may be asking for too much, but I think it comes down to considering internet etiquette. At the very least, don’t treat influencers/creators like a Google search bar. Start your sentence with a greeting if you want to ask someone where something is from. For example: “Hi! I hope you’re having a good day! I was wondering if you could share where you got XYZ from?” or “I love this video! I’m really inspired by your outfit and would love to recreate it! Do you mind sharing where you got your pants from?” I promise you, your internet friends and creators will appreciate it much more and may be more likely to interact than if you send a message that says, “LINK???? WHERE’S IT FROM??”

Do you have thoughts on this? Want to add nuance that I may have missed? Feel free to sound off in the comments (nicely, please).

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What’s to come: I have a very exciting collaboration newsletter headed y’all’s way next week. Then you will find “Let’s Deinfluence Wellness, Pt. 2” in your inboxes on February 28th. See you then!

You can find last month’s episode here! I’m very excited because I have a special guest for March’s edition of the pod. If you’d like to ask a question anonymously for an upcoming episode, you can fill out this Google Form or tap the button below.

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Love,

1. I am not perfect at sustainability – far from it. You can read this post from a couple of years ago, where I spoke about my relationship with sustainability.