Five Years
& Reflections on the first 6 months of marriage
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We’ve been together 5 years and our evenings went like this: we closed our computers for the day, went on our evening walk, talked about what we wanted for dinner, return from our walk, he’d prep for dinner, I’d cook it, we’d figure out what TV show we wanted to watch, ate dinner in the couch, watched a few episodes until I fell asleep on the sofa, and then he’d wake me up to go to bed.
I have always had a strict evening routine. If I don’t follow it, I feel dysregulated (something I’m working on with my OCD). It takes me about an hour to complete from beginning to end, so starting early is key to an early bedtime. But I never start early, which didn’t serve my overall wellness. I’ve been trying to switch it up for months. One day, after an emotional breakdown, I decided it was not only time to rearrange our bedroom, but we need to switch up our entire evening routine.
Watching TV is an escape for me, but I also like to keep up with what’s hot in pop culture. I kept suggesting we watch one episode while we ate dinner, I’d go do my bedtime routine when I was done eating, and then I’d come back to watch more until we got tired. I suggested we try to eat dinner earlier or watch shorter shoes. I suggested it all. Then DJ said, “I know you didn’t eat at the table growing up, but what if we ate in our dining room for dinner?”
After our wedding, I had about 3 months of post-martial depression. I felt a lot of anxiety about “what was next.” We had been planning this huge event for months, and it was the shining light at the end of my pandemic isolation tunnel, and when it ended, I felt lost.
He was right. I didn’t eat at the dinner table with my parents. We never asked each other how our days were or communicate about how we were feeling. Our evenings went: mom handed me a plate of something that came from a can or a cardboard box, I went to my room, brought the plate back to the sink, and returned to my room for the rest of the night.
When we gather for dinner at my in-law’s house, we all have to talk about 2 things we did that day. We go around in a circle, ask one another about life’s goings-on, and stay connected. Last time, we ended dessert with a Cunningham huddle (think all hands in the middle and say “Cunningham” on three).
It’s been 6 months since we’ve been married, and I’m trying to be less concerned about what’s next. Because right now, we are continuing to help each other grow into the best versions of each other. We’re eating dinner at the dinner table and ask each other two things we did that day – a tradition I’m glad we’re adopting. He still helps me prep, and I still cook. We still watch TV, except now we’ve rearranged our bedroom so there’s a TV on the dresser. We watch one episode before falling asleep or are too tired to turn it on altogether. We’ve been falling asleep before midnight for a week. This is a big deal for me.
Sometimes I get down thinking about how I’ll never get to experience my wedding again and have an irrational fear that it will be the only time all of my friends will be in one place. But I know that’s not true. When I get scared that nothing good or exciting will ever happen again, I am proved wrong. I am invited to the dinner table.
I can’t stop thinking about this video.
90% of the country is in high or substantial uncontrolled community COVID transmission. Wear a mask.
I am not a Taylor Swift hater or a Taylor Swift stan, but I do love reading about Taylor Swift (also I am a Folklore/Red girlie). This newsletter + the comments section is really interesting.
STL! I’m hosting an open mic at the event below! Come through and RSVP here.
Hi! I have been dealing with a bad flare the last couple of weeks #ChronicIllnessThings, so am skipping the Q&A this week. That means you have more time to send in questions! You can do so here!
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